For a long time, I misunderstood self-care. I thought it was about crafting an identity – someone who had it all together, who exuded confidence and calm. I curated routines that looked good on the outside but felt hollow on the inside. I bought into the notion that self-care meant doing things that made me look or seem “better” to the world. It took years to realise that true self-care isn’t about building an identity to present to others; it’s about nurturing the essence of who I already am.
This shift in perspective was profound. I stopped worrying about whether my self-care practices fit a certain mold or aesthetic. Instead, I began to ask myself what I truly needed – rest, nourishment, connection, or quiet. It wasn’t about proving anything; it was about listening to myself. By letting go of the idea that self-care had to align with a specific identity, I found a deeper sense of authenticity and peace.
Another pivotal realisation was the difference between self-love and self-like. Self-love, to me, is unconditional – it’s an acceptance of my whole being, flaws and all. (I learnt it through BTS.) It’s the foundation that keeps me grounded. Self-like, on the other hand, is more situational. There are days when I don’t particularly like how I handled something or how I look in the mirror, and that’s okay. I’ve learned that I don’t need to like every aspect of myself all the time to still love myself deeply.
This understanding allowed me to stop striving for perfection. I could care for myself not because I liked who I was in every moment, but because I valued my inherent worth. Self-love holds space for the days when self-like feels distant. It reassures me that I am enough, even when I stumble or doubt myself.
My journey with self-care continues to evolve, but these lessons have transformed how I show up for myself. By letting go of the need to perform self-care as part of an identity and embracing the nuanced dance between self-love and self-like, I’ve created a foundation that feels steady, real, and kind.
Products that support my self-care journey
While self-care begins with internal shifts, having the right tools can make the process more enjoyable and effective. Here are a few products that have helped me along the way:
A guided journal for reflection
Journalling has been a powerful tool for deepening my understanding of self-love versus self-like. I recommend using a guided journal that offers prompts to explore your feelings and track your growth. Check out our free journalling guide for beginners.
The self-care atmosphere
Creating a serene and inviting space has been an essential part of my self-care routine, and a rock salt lamp plays a big role in this. The soft, warm glow adds a cozy atmosphere, making it a perfect addition to moments of reflection or quiet evenings at home.
The ambiance of self-care rituals
Enhancing the ambiance of my self-care rituals often involves lighting incense. A thoughtfully designed incense stick holder paired with calming incense sticks, like lemon grass, transforms my space into a sanctuary. The gentle fragrance and slow, meditative burn create a peaceful atmosphere, making it easier to centre myself and embrace moments of mindfulness.
Subtle indulgence for everyday moments
Sometimes, it’s the smallest rituals that bring the most comfort. I keep a fragranced hand cream and pair it with a hand wash, at home or the workplace. The rich texture and delightful scent turn a simple moment of hydration into a sensory experience that feels indulgent and grounding.
A soothing tea collection
Taking a moment to enjoy a cup of herbal tea reminds me to slow down and savour simple pleasures. I love tea blends with a nutty flavour, such as walnut or almond.
Self-care is deeply personal, and what works for me may not resonate with everyone. The key is to explore what makes you feel nurtured and aligned with your true self. Let your journey be your own, free from comparison or external expectations. You are worthy of care, just as you are.